Humor

Home/Humor

TO HECK WITH SPELLCHECK

Or is it: “2 HEK WIT SPILL CHICK”CANDIDATE FOR A PULLET SURPRISEI have a spelling checker. It came with my PC.It plane lee marks four my revueMiss steaks aye can knot sea.Eye ran this poem threw it,Your sure reel glad two no.Its vary polished inn it's weigh.My checker tolled me sew.A checker is a bless [...]

PRETRIAL: BARD OF AVON’S INTERROGATORIES

SHAKESPEARE’S INTERROGATORIES, OR WHY HE WANTED TO KILL ALL THE LAWYERS.BY MICHAEL PARDO AND MIKE WARNER- - - -RESTRAINT OF TRADEShylock v. AntonioPlaintiff’s First InterrogatoriesInterrogatory No. 4: If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?Answer: [...]

LAWYERS’ DUMB QUESTIONS

Here is some more on the subject of questioning. Lawyers ask some dumb questions on cross-examination. “Why?” being the dumbest of them all because it opens the door for the witness to say almost anything. The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that [...]

AMAZING TRIAL ANECDOTES: COURTROOM LESSON #2

Romance in a Strange PlaceAfter years in the courtroom, you know you haven’t heard it all. There’s always another story, which makes you say: “Amazing!” This one comes from a law student’s courtroom observation. Students in my semester-long Comprehensive Trial Advocacy course go to court, watch a day of trial and write a report about [...]

LIST OF TIPS ON WRITING GOOD

Came across some advice in The Utah Prosecutor. It is this “How to Write Good” list, which is attributed to Sally Buford - Sally Bulford, http://www.cc.utah.edu/~tr7184/How-to-Write-Good.txt. We can always learn more about things if there is a list to work from. It’s like water on a plant. Nourishing.1. Avoid alliteration. Always.2. Prepositions are not words [...]

REDIRECT EXAMINATION

One of the ironies of being a public defender is that the public defender is often the last person to stand trial in a serious case. The process of putting the public defender on trial goes something like this: Stage 1: The defendant stands trial and gets convicted. Stage 2: The defendant receives a whopping [...]

PRICELESS COURT ORDER OF 2011

Judge Euphoric Over SettlementTime for a new tradition – awarding the Priceless Court Order of the Year. Criteria for the Award are at best ambiguous.The recipient of the 2011 Priceless Court Order of the Year was not the one shown here. Rather it goes to the First Division of the Commonwealth of Kentucky’s Kenton Circuit [...]

By |December 27th, 2011|Humor|0 Comments

CROSS-EXAMINATION – KNOW THE ANSWER

Humor Makes the PointHumor can be the adhesive to make the point stick. And, the point is that the cross-examiner should know the answer before asking the question or not care what the answer is. Otherwise, as the saying goes, the cross may be “more suicidal than homicidal in nature.” The following transcript of a [...]

CREATIVE LEGAL OPINIONS

The Camel Cigarette Ad CaseCreative writing is a confection – a treat to read and a treat to experience. Two judges got creative in their opinions in the Camel cartoon case. In 1998, the R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company entered into a multi-billion dollar settlement with several states and as part of the settlement agreed not [...]

PLAYING TO YOUR TRIAL AUDIENCE: THE JURY

Juror Infuriated by Prolonged Cross-ExaminationWhat happened earlier this month in a Brooklyn courtroom is a reminder that trial lawyers must be ever mindful of the effects of what they do on their audience – the jury.The New York Times reported that a juror in a Brooklyn court could take it no longer after having sat [...]